If I were Marlena, I would be miffed if not downright mad. Last week marked Mar's one-thousandth abduction, and there wasn't a balloon or confetti drop in sight. No announcement over the PA system. No DJ airhorn sound effect. Nope. Not even a cake in the shape of a pit in a warehouse or giant birdcage. Orpheus, sir, you dropped the kidnapping ball. Do you even know who you snatched!? Our Doc is abduction royalty, not some common kidnap victim. For shame, Orph. Do better next time. Or, well, don't.
In what seems like DAYS-jà vu, Marlena and co-kidnapee, Kayla, have been abducted by Orpheus. Again. Credit where credit is due, Doc and Sweetness attempted to get themselves out of their pickle with stealth moves, but Orph had thugs waiting. So, they've been taken, leaving Black Patch to await further demands from Milo. I mean, gee. It's almost like Steve knew this would happen. Again. That's why we don't doubt the Patch Man. Take notes, Salemites.
In another example of "this feels familiar," while I largely enjoy Little Sweetness (and adore Abigail Klein), the Celine Dion "It's All Coming Back to Me Now" memories of "Sunroof Steph" have returned. She is the epitome of highs and lows. Cheers and jeers. Taking the good with the bad, and so forth. Yep. That's our Steph. Let's look at the latter part of said extremes...
When Steph pouted, "I can't live this way!" about Steve's protectiveness, I rolled my eyes. Hard. I actually might have sprained an ocular muscle, but I digress.
One, Steph's not even living "this way"! She's in town for a visit. Calm the flip out down, dude.
Two, she'd been recently hospitalized because a baddie blew up her living room via a pizza bomb. Stephanie should be well aware that threats are real, especially as her mother just received one (and was subsequently Kaylanapped!). So, for a smart PR woman, she's acting a bit out of touch. Not a good look.
Three, Steph. Lemme repeat: "pizza bomb!" Not to mention your dad was abducted after that, leading to an international manhunt and the re-deprogramming of his pawn-ness.
If Papa's a little leery and wants to walk his daughter to a shadily set up meeting amidst the ongoing threat of a global terrorist targeting your family, roll with it. Calm down. Nobody was treating Stephanie like a child in an outfit with sparkly hearts on it. They were treating her like an adult in an outfit with sparkly hearts on it.
When it comes to "the good," Stephanie definitely delivers. I enjoy that she knew of Paulina's success story! I hope we get to see more of them together. Powerful women making their mark will certainly bode well for Salem's future. The fact that Steph is a bit of a professional powerhouse in her own right makes me not worry (as much) about her.
Also, when Stephanie exasperatedly snapped, "Oh, my God, Alex," I totally wanted to give her a high-five. I admire Alex's honesty. He does seem to be straightforward with women. He's not promising the stars, the moon, or any other celestial body, just his own physique. Still, while I know his parents are Justin and Anjelica, he comes across as the lovechild of Pepé Le Pew and the Tasmanian Devil. That's a lot of energy. Maybe too much.
Also, Alex may claim to respect women, but he also doesn't seem to at all. When someone says "No," they mean "no." That's not code for "charm me into submission." So, yep. "Cheeseball from the Square" kind of sums him up, if we're putting it nicely.
Though Alex did technically fall for a woman. His fall even got a voiceover. This may mean he's changed. We'll see.
Speaking of falling for Steph, while it's WAY too soon for the Widower DiMera to see past his grief, I did enjoy Chad and her catching up. They have a lot in common. However, I suspect it's more a setup for eventual storytelling...
There is something significantly soapy about a potential Chad, Stephanie, and Alex love triangle. Sonny's brother and bestie -- a Kiriakis and a DiMera -- falling for his cousin, who was once involved with their cousin Philip. Not to mention that Chad was married to Will's cousin Abigail, who is also cousins with Stephanie, who is Sonny's cousin, but not Alex's. And Abby was also Sonny's cousin, too. Significantly soapy, indeed!
As much as I enjoyed Chad's chat with Stephanie, it felt a little out of touch, watching her go on about being ghosted by last year's summer fling who turned out to be a player. I'm sure the really recent widower felt turrible for her. Next up, Steph tells Sarah how she felt jittery one time after taking too much DayQuil! Yep. When it comes to Little Sweetness, you take the good and you take the bad.
Stephanie mentioned her fling last summer was a player who ghosted her. I'm pretty sure it isn't Casper, so who then!? Steph's dated some jerks *cough Jeremy Horton,* but have we met this latest creep? I suspect we will if we haven't already, and I'm curious to know who could've crushed our Little Sweetness.
Speaking of exes, Jada mentioned that she hasn't slept with anyone since her ex-husband. Did we decide who we think he is? I'm still not ruling out Alex. He's a career man who doesn't like to commit. We also can't rule out that Stephanie and Jada aren't friends, since their papas were besties. That would make Alex's pursuit super awkward, right? And if Stephanie doesn't know her Cousin Sonny's half-brother, then I can buy that she never met her bestie's husband if the marriage was short. Sorta. It's Salem. Do things really need to make sense?
My ultimate verdict is still out on Jada, but she certainly impressed me when she shot down Nicole by stating, "I can assure you I am not a threat to Eric, but it seems like I may be to you." Look. I like Eric and Nicole together as much as the next person, but Nicole had (and has) her chance to come clean about her feelings. If she chooses to make everything cringey and complicated, that's on her. The same can be said about Eric. Rafe and Jada are the only two being honest in this equation.
Also, Nicole, listen to the Chlomeister! She knows what she's talking about. She even made the rare out-of-the-blue mid-episode appearance to warn you that you're being a stupid stupidhead. Move over, Clarissa, because it's really Chloe who can explain it all.
I'm totally with Li! I still can't believe Dr. Rolf couldn't overpower a guy who's been a vegetable without a heart for four years, relying on an arc reactor and a techno swim cap straight out of Burning Man to keep him alive. Right. And Stefan just had a heart transplant, well, more like an implant as -- again -- the dude didn't have a heart for four years. "How am I supposed to write for a guy who doesn't have a head?" Sorry. I slipped into Soapdish mode there for a second. But. You get it.
Gabi's also starting to "get it." That is, something isn't adding up with Dr. Rolf. Between his slips and her hatred for him, she's sensing there's more to the picture. Go, Gabi! Go.
Am I the only one who wants to see more of Jack and Jennifer right now? I feel like we have powerhouses Ashford and McClain ready to blow us away -- and they have, no doubt, in the scenes we've seen -- but two investigative journalists whose daughter was just murdered should have a lot more screentime. More, please and thank you!
Chad and Sonny scenes will always make me happy, and I'm also happy that so many people are still looking out for Chad. Even Kristen's humanity made a rare appearance to show some remorse. I said "some."
Meanwhile, in Murderland, Leo and Gwen remained the suspects of the week. They look extremely guilty at the moment. Therefore, I suspect the suspects are totally innocent of murder. Even Rafe believes Gwen is innocent. I sort of do, too. Still, I don't feel too bad that Gwen's in the hot seat. Karma could be a helluva lot crueler to her.
Also, while I'm not surprised that Leo would sell Gwen out, I'm disappointed. Their friendship was one of their redeeming qualities. Misfit baddies bonding together come hell or high water, and all that. I thought it was unbreakable. I thought wrong. Then again, they're both kind of terrible people, so what did I expect?
On the topic of terrible people, I don't hate what's happening between E.J. and Ava. I love that she can frustrate him and take him down a few pegs. Not many Salemites can. You can tell he hates it -- but also loves it a little. I think Gabi called this one correctly, and I say, "Yes, please."
Sami called Roman to wish him a happy birthday! It's reported that, "She's grand. She's fine." Still, a visit would prove that easier. Just saying.
Also, it's Roman's birthday! While he might get some bobbles and trinkets, he got the best gift of all -- reconciliation with Kate! He's found forgiveness. She's happy. He's happy. Abe and Paulina are happy. They got a little mid-morning bubbly to make them even happier. The only unhappy person is whoever's stalking them through the window. Eek!
Color me shocked! Melinda Trask helped someone. No. Really. She did! She had Kate's confession commuted from a federal crime to a misdemeanor. Damn, Mel. Who would have thought!?
Finally, I'll always vote for Abe, and I'll totally take some of those Sweet Bits cookies, but are we sure-sure Abe wants to be governor!? He agreed to the run. There's that. Still, I feel like he was strongarmed into it, despite what he later said. I know Paulina wants him to be happy -- and I hate to be suspicious -- but does she have a get in this race more than his contentment? You never know with Auntie P. She loves hard and schemes hard, too.
Between Abe's chat with E.J. (which reminded us that he's still considered family by those dodgy DiMeras) and Abe agreeing to keep quiet about Lani's crime recently, something tells me his run won't be an easy one. Those could be used against him by his political opponent, whom we haven't met yet (or have we!?). Yep. This race could get racy, but just remember "Carver Can!" and bring any unwanted cookies to the Two Scoops office just off the square. And thank you!
HOT
I adored Abe and E.J.'s scene so flipping much. Their bond is built on their mutual love and respect for Lexie. I get that. I'm glad it's still alive, despite their many, many differences. E.J. especially needs these moments to remind him of his humanity, and Abe is the perfect person to play opposite. Again, "More, please!" And, yes, gentlemen -- "Cheers to Lexie," indeed. I'll drink to that!
NOT
Good grief. Eric and Nicole's matching dreams were kind of rough, right? It wasn't just me? Rougher were their faux explanations to each other. They're too super of a couple for these gimmicks. Get it together, "Ericole." Literally.
LINE(S) OF THE WEEK
Chad (to Kristen): "What are you doing in Marlena's office? Trying to figure out why you're such a terrible person?"
Ava (to Gabi regarding E.J.): "Is he still here?"
Paulina (to John and Steve): "Do I look like some villainous old white man!?"
Stephanie (to Alex): "There is one colossal impediment -- the fact that you are you."
EXCHANGE(S) OF THE WEEK
Kristen: "I'm the worst of the DiMeras, and that's really saying something, but you are the best of us."
Chad: "Well, that is a very low bar."
RANDOM THOUGHTS
John really is a good man. I loved how he started complimenting Marlena by stating she was "brilliant" and "caring," followed by "stunning." Yes, Mr. John. Inner beauty should count first.
Maybe John could teach Alex a few things.
The look on Nicole's face when Jada gave Eric a goodbye peck was priceless. Like, we officially now know that Nicole doesn't have superpowers, as she didn't turn green and "Hulk out." The only emerald she showed was the jealousy monster.
And Paulina for the win. I loved how she didn't miss a beat responding, "Sure thing, Little Sweetness." Ha!
Gwen said she didn't kill Laura. Do we believe her? I kind of like that this is still enigmatic.
Hearing E.J. say "the Widow DiMera" makes me chuckle for some reason. It's so Gothic and over the top. So Eej.
Did anyone else respond, "No duh!" when Nicole admitted, "I can't stop thinking of Eric."
I thought Rolf's lab was in the DiMera tunnels, not halfway across town from the mansion. I guess I was wrong.
Eric is one of the few characters DAYS pays attention to when it comes to his personal space. His apartments and rooms have always been filled with his travel photography or African wildlife pictures. Well played, Team DAYS.
As long as Li doesn't go full "Liam Frasier" or "Dr. Henry Shah" on Gabi, and is redeemed a bit, perhaps he could be a contender for Stephanie's heart.
There was a hilarious cringe to Eric's scene with Roman. It reminded me of a scene from The Sweetest Thing.
I wonder if Wendy Shin will ever wander to Salem? She'd be a welcome addition.
There needs to be a montage of Chad and Sonny's best friend bro hugs for when DAYS fans have a bad day. We can just watch and feel better about life.
"Dr. Rolf and His Ponytail of Terror: Army of Marlena Clones" sounds like a great Halloween streaming special.
I recently watched a news segment about doppelgängers. They're a real thing. I'm celebrating this. Didn't like my opinion? Oh, that wasn't me. It was my double, "Toby."
Before we go, it's time to play "Who Did You Believe More!?" So, did you believe Kristen when she showered Chad with love and remorse, or do you believe baddie Gwen when she said she didn't kill Abigail?
PARTING THOUGHTS
So, friends and fellow DAYS fans, that's it for August 29! I'm off to see if I can spring Mar and Kay from Orpheus' evil clutches! I have a semi solid plan, lots of pent-up rage, and a doppelgänger as a distraction. Wish me luck and save me some of those campaign cookies. In the meantime (or in the event of my capture), Laurisa will be back next week to Two Scoop once again! As always, thank you for reading, and "That's a fact."
Tony
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